Let’s do lunch. Can’t wait to see you again. You look maavalous! You losing weight? I’ve been meaning to call you. I never got that message. Shall we continue with 900 more ways to blow off real connections and honest communication? It’s all a lot of yakkity yak.
Real communication, or enlightened communication, is about participating in a conscious, honest dialog. Much of what we say and hear these days is sound bites, party lines, corporate speak and discourse designed to manipulate and elicit a specific response, rather than designed to create a mutual, conscious exploration of possibilities and real connection.
Today, whether we are dissing friends at our favorite restaurant or presenting in the boardroom, we twist and tweak the facts. We spice things up with veiled threats or a touch of emotional hijack. Like that georgie, in the White House (little “g” mine), we manipulate the numbers or the facts to justify our position, create the illusion of power or get control back. We amp up the volume or intensity. We focus on the negative, often while ignoring the positive. We diminish others with interrogation, intimidation or interpretation. In short, we communicate with the intent to manipulate, coerce or control, rather than communicating from a position of ethical personal or professional power. We have lost our moral compass and most of us are not yet awake to this energetic form of violence, even though we feel it, and experience an ungrounded lack of safety from it. We walk around in a daze wondering why we really don’t feel very connected to anyone through the maze of all that yakkity yak.
Like a breath of fresh air, the moment we return to the truth-which is sometimes more difficult, but always healing- the energy begins to spiral toward clarity and empowerment. Genuine compassion is felt. Pure truth cuts through the fear making a space for resolution and genuine connection. Twenty years of doing counseling has taught me the truth is always healing. It is not always comfortable, but it is always healing.
Some might think this is a little issue of no consequence. However, the degree to which we are able to communicate consciously is a direct reflection of the degree to which we have become enlightened. Conscious communication is at the core of enlightenment-it is the outward manifestation and catalyst of enlightenment. Think for a moment about the last time you genuinely connected with someone in pure authentic truth. In that moment, your vibrational frequency was raised and your body held the energy of enlightenment. In that moment, you ascended just a bit. The only ascended person I believe on television today is that Quiznos kid in the high chair whose mother fed him green peas and whose line we might borrow for all this wasted talk…”It’s just not right.”
Truth telling does not necessarily mean one delivers the truth with a sledgehammer. You can tell the truth and still be kind. Speaking from an “I” space is helpful. I have been so swamped I really haven’t been good at returning calls lately. Or, I am trying to honor myself by taking more time out for me, but I will call you when I come up for air. Even when someone asks you a direct question that is inappropriate, you can respond with, I am really not comfortable discussing that at this time. Honesty is about character and a certain morality and respect for each other. When we lie to another person or manipulate them with words, what we are really saying is that they are not important to us, or we do not trust them to be able to deal with the truth, which is insulting. The other reason for lying is so that we don’t have to deal with the fallout of the truth which is saying we don’t trust ourselves much either.
Meaningful communication begins with truth telling and is also about being present to each other. Some people believe that every encounter is an opportunity for a holy moment – an ecstatic experience – because in the center of that moment is an opportunity for real connection – sometimes embraced – often missed. Sometimes, we sit across from each other in relationships and friendships and never get to know each other’s dreams, fears, aspirations, hopes and visions. The truth is we could sit across from each other for the next million years and never really know all there is to know about each other. Maybe it’s time to slow things down and experience a few of those magic moments yourself.
© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013