Cheryl Crow says,  “It’s the turnaround or pivotal moments that introduce you to yourself – these small or these huge catastrophic events in your life – that’s where you really meet yourself. “  If you are a student of consciousness you know that these precious moments  in that gap, just seconds before you take that next step, make that next decision, or say those next words are profoundly potent and critical to your personal evolution. It is in that moment, in that gap that we find enlightenment.  It is there that we conquer ourselves. It is there that we meet the shadow side of us that has learned to defend, justify, excuse and lie in order to survive. As adults, those parts don’t always serve our best interests.

What might we meet in the gap? Both sides of ourselves, hopefully without blame or shame, because we all have these sides and should be glad we do. They helped us to survive. Here are some examples.

Shadow Side

Pretending innocence or goodness, staying overly upset or unwillingness to forgive a perceived badness in others.

Jealousy, exclusivity, prejudice

Feeling unduly threatened or insecure

Emotionally or physically abusive

Manipulation or misuse of power

Passive aggressiveness, secrecy

Dishonesty, gossip, corruption

Covert behavior or nastiness, contempt

Selective memory, Truth distortions to make self look victimized or one-up

Silence, withholds or compliance

Power trips, emotional control or blackmail

Vindictiveness or unwillingness to forgive

Poor, pitiful me

Expecting too much from others and resenting it when you don’t get what you want.

Hatred, elitism

Self destructiveness – substance, self-abuse

Being Miserly, selfish

Grandiosity or ego


Enlightened Side

Working and acting from heart acceptance while establishing good boundaries that don’t enable others.


Doing personal work to be balanced

Compassion and kindness

Empowering others, releasing control

Transparency and directness

Honesty, integrity in all things

Openness, direct communication

Ownership of personal responsibility
Direct communication and honesty

Clearing one’s own insecurities

Examining motives for refusal to forgive

Building own self-esteem

Manifesting what you need and want yourself

Open-hearted love

Dealing with addictions and self abuse

Trusting the Universe and giving freely

Seeing oneself as part of the whole

These contrasting options are always available to us, but many of us are still making decisions out of old habit energy or societal or family programming.  We get to choose in every circumstance and in every decision, who we will actually become.

People ask, “How do we become enlightened?” It’s not in a book or in a movie. Neither is it something the guru on a mountain top can give you. The answer is sitting in the gap, in your next decision.  Every time you make a decision that opts for healing, truth, love and unity, you have emotionally, physically and spiritually bumped the vibration of your energy up a notch. Your body, mind and spirit hold that enlightened energy, it becomes accumulative and little by little, step by step you become your best self, your enlightened self. It’s pretty powerful to know that you really are creating your own reality with every choice.

In 1982 when I first began teaching about energy and consciousness, my kids used to introduce me as,  “That weird lady who teaches people to use something they can’t even see.” Today this paradigm or truth about how energy works is common knowledge. It’s on Oprah, in best selling books, and studied in great institutes and scientific labs. There is no longer any doubt. The consciousness community, the scientific community and now the world community all agree that every decision we make creates our reality. What will yours be?

© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2008

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