Most of us skate over the top of life. We avoid real issues, detour out of heavy places and live a short distance from our true feelings and spirit. The gold in life is always at the point of connection – to ourselves, to others and to Spirit. We have been taught to think our feelings are bigger than we are. Therefore, we hesitate to go deeper and when someone says, “I am overwhelmed or frightened,” we become afraid that if we connect, we will have to get involved or come up with an answer to this person’s problem.
Sometimes, we choose not to feel what those close to us are feeling because it triggers our own unresolved feelings. A kind of, “If I feel your scared, I’ll have to feel my own” response. The greatest gift in relationships always come from a willingness to go deeper. It’s not our job to have the answers for others, or to fix their problems. Our only job is to understand how their truth is true for them – to take time to hear what that person is saying and understand what they are really feeling. That’s the greatest gift you can give someone you love. Remember the last time someone really heard and understood you? What an amazingly healing experience – both to give and to receive. And if in the process, you are triggered with some feelings of your own, well great. What a wonderful way to discover where your own healing needs to occur. So, how do you give and get this great gift of going deeper? With these simple phrases…
Say more about that.
What’s that like for you?
What would help?
How can I help?
Such tiny little phrases – such profound ability to connect.
Those same questions can be asked of us in the process of going deeper for the answers inside of ourselves. “Let’s go deeper,” I say in class. My students respond with peaked attention knowing that the “awareness” bar is about to be raised. Life is our classroom and “ Let’s go deeper,” is an invitation life is forever giving us to dive deeper than the surface. It’s an opportunity to ask the poignant question that move us into feelings or unfamiliar awareness. Let’s go deeper means it’s time to stand on the edge of the gap between who we are being in the moment, and our true selves. It’s an opportunity to tell the truth, ask for what we need or stand in our integrity.
Let’s go deeper is the chant or mantra of those who are awake. It’s the motivation and meaning for our soul journey. It can happen in a miraculous moment as you are driving in your car and pause to reflect on what you are really feeling and why. Let’s go deeper is the invitation life gives us to find the spiritual gold, in friends, in circumstances or challenges and in ourselves. It’s the soul dance of intimacy with life and everyone whose life touches ours.
Embracing life and being truly engaged with it and everyone in our life is exactly what makes the difference between a life that is lonely and boring, and one that is alive and energetic. People begin to die when they stay on the surface. Staying on the surface results in a slow disconnect from meaning, passion and ecstasy – and the consequence of that is an emotional loneliness and energetic death. If you are bored with life, you have been skating on the surface of it. Life is filled with opportunities for growth, deep meaningful connections and excitement. But in order to be a recipient of these, we have to be willing to go deeper.
I once ran an ad for a romantic interest and said in it, “Someone deeper than a tissue please.” There were only a few who got it, but those who did knew exactly what I meant and so do you. It’s what you long for – both in the relationships you already have and in those you hope to create. Let’s go deeper, shall we?
© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013