There is no greater gift on the planet than our ability to create connection with each other. It is the most sacred dance in life even though we often forget to treat it as sacred. When I speak of it, people’s eyes cross and they look at me as of I am speaking a foreign language. We are confused about connections. Who should we connect deeply with? What kind of connection is taboo? What does connecting mean? Webster says (1) it is the act of joining, establishing a relationship or (2) to hit solidly and successfully. Perhaps all those definitions are also applicable here. In order for me to get connected, I have to create a level of conscious awareness with myself or another, hence a joining has occurred. Once I am connected to myself, I am able to know what I am feeling, thinking and perceiving. I can also know in this state of connection, through empathy and presence, what another is thinking and feeling so a relationship is established. I need a precise and focused point of awareness to get connected in the first place and so perhaps that is the hit solidly and successfully of which Webster speaks.
When I connect with myself, it is a statement that I am willing to discover both the greatness and the smallness in myself. I am willing to allow neither one to establish my worth. Instead, I am willing to heal my attachment to either and be free. It is an outward demonstration of inner character and courage. Connecting with myself is an act of love and honor for me that say’s I am worth it. I deserve as big a place in my day-timer, check book and life as I give to everyone else.
Connecting with me also affirms that I have the ability and trust to heal anything dislikable I might find inside myself, without self-judgment or self-loathing. Connecting with myself is a valiant act that says I am finally no longer afraid that what I will find inside myself is someone who is either not loveable or nothing at all.
When I connect with those in the outer circle of my life, in the grocery store line or where I teach, it is a statement that I can see the value and worth of people as individuals on their own path which is not so different than mine. I honor the divinity in others and am safe enough in my own process and life to be safe in their world as well.
When I connect with those who dance in the inner circle of my life, it is a statement that says I love you and therefore you deserve the best of who I am. You deserve the truth of who I am and the fullest presence of who I am. For if I value you as the gold and Spirit in my life, my character and integrity prevent me from standing before you offering anything less…for that would cheat on my own soul.
I connect with the earth, and each living thing as a statement of my wisdom and understanding that the earth is one living energy and each part of it, human or not, is a part of me. Therefore, connection is the key to everything. In the center of it I find myself. In the center of it, I find you. In the center of it, I find God, the Universe, and the Divine – whatever you perceive that to be. Therefore our great gift is to reach beyond our fear and get connected to all of life, and everyone in it, so that we can find ourselves.
Many of us are afraid of being connected to anything. What if I connect with myself and find that I am nothing or worse yet, a really bad person? I have never met a really bad person. I have met wounded people, lonely people and scared people, but never a bad person among them. I am not even sure what that might mean. Everyone one of us is still working on our selves trying to get it right. No one deliberately causes pain for themselves or others unless they are ill. If they are ill, they are not bad. So, when you get connected to yourself and discover something you don’t particularly like, simply heal it.
What will it mean if I connect with you? You could leave me. You might depend on me too much or dump your problems on me. You might expect something I don’t want to give. That is the dance. Learning to set and respect boundaries and still remain in the center of intimacy with all of life.
The task at hand for all of us is to learn to be connected and yet safe with ourselves. It’s a process and an on-going one that will last the rest of our lives.
So what are you feeling right now? Do you feel your body? Do you have a sense of your emotions? Can your feel the love in the person sitting across from you? Can you feel love for the person sitting across from you? Can you feel the love in the universe? If not, take a breath and get connected. Bulwer once said, “True eloquence is that which holds us too mute for applause.” True connection is that which holds us in grace too exquisite and precious for words.
© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013