I love being in love. I love the warm gentle flow of feeling that makes you want to gather someone up in your arms and embrace them forever with your soul. I love the feeling of having come home. I love waiting for the feeling to diminish, and the sense of joy and surprise when it doesn’t.
I love the unfolding, like looking across the table at someone I feel I have known forever wondering what new thing I will discover about him/her today. How will s/he surprise me, reveal another part of himself kept unconsciously hidden until now?
I love the together feeling that comes from knowing we both know, and agree, but neither of us needs to say so because it’s a given. I love the feeling that even when your partner is across in a crowd, s/he is somehow still at your side, covering your back, next to your heart. I love the sideways glances held just long enough to send the profound message that all is well – always will be.
I love knowing someone can hold your sacred secrets, fears and fantasies without judgment and reflect back his own to be held with the same honor. I love the gift of spirit that happens when he shares his innermost feelings and welcomes mine.
I love anticipating arrivals, regretting departures, enjoying togetherness. I love poking fun, dishing dirt and cleaning up the kitchen together after a party. I love creating an extended family, a tribe of especially chosen spirits who dance to the same music, laugh at the same jokes and who share the same values.
I love having a partner in the challenges and a lightening rod in the process of being truthful with myself, cutting through the bullshit and ego. I love getting called on my stuff and being required to wake up. I love having someone who demands that I keep my heart open even in the pain of discovering that I have been less than who I am, but loved none the less.
I love checking in. “How was your day, are we going in the right direction, how are we doing.” I love discovering the ways I have left myself, left him/her, left the process. I love having the chance to heal those parts of myself that are too afraid to believe neither of us will leave. I love knowing I have the courage to come back to reconnect again.
I love looking at the back of his neck, being guided gently with his hand against the small of my back and backing into him to gently rest against his chest. I love looking forward to a future, moving farther into intimacy and removing the separation faster. I love the dance. The ebbs and flow, the ups and downs, the ins and outs.
I love getting enlightened, learning new ideas and bringing them home to work on. I love having my mind and compassion challenged in the center of our differences. I love having to let go of my need for sameness and finding safety in the places we disagree.
I love the process of loving, without reservation, without conditions, without withholds. I love having a precious person in my life who is willing to help me discover who I really am.
One would think that as much as I love being in love, this Valentines Day might not be so filled with joy, given that the special person for this time in my life has not net arrived. And yet, oddly enough, I am so filled with joy I can hardly stand myself. I have had these precious moments with every person I have ever been with, and share every one of them now with the incredible group of people who sit in my inner circle. We tell the truth, explore our fears, move deeper into intimacy. We dance the dance. It is delicious, ecstatic. One day, in the not too distant future, perhaps my beloved will appear. We will immediately recognize each other and know that we have been found. For the moment, it is less important when that happens, or even if it happens because the relationships I have are so intense and beautiful, that little seems missing in my life.
I guess the real lesson is that being in love is a state of mind. I am so in love with each person in my circle, with who they are and who they are becoming. I am in love with life, its challenges and its blessings. I am in love with the person I am – even her broken parts, as well as the person I am becoming. Most of all, I am in love with Spirit, sensuously, sacredly. If I died today and missed my soul mate, I would still say I have been and love being in love. How about you?
© Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan 2013